Picture Update

I worked on it most of the day today (to which Kylie did not approve,) but I got all our pictures sorted and edited! All from the camera and both phones, yay! All the pictures are on my G+ account, just call/message me for access. Here are some of my favorites:

3-3-14

4-21-14

5-13-14

5-18-14
Kylie gets her first Tablet! I borrow it a lot.

6-26-14

6-26-14

7-20-14

7-29-14
Helping put away diaper laundry

7-31-14
Breastfeeding in public, like usual

8-1-14
Playing "toybox" on the sofa next to me

8-9-14
Good shot of Kylie's eyes

8-15-14
Drinking some PB Chocolate Love with me

8-23-14
We ran out of regular soymilk for Kylie's night cereal, so we used
chocolate soymilk instead. She was happy with this.

8-30-14
One of the very rare times I caught her with the binky in her mouth.

9-2-14
Kylie's favorite house toy! It teaches opposites.

9-7-14
About to make cookies together

This is my sister Bianca...

... and this is the look-alike doll I crocheted for her. 9-19-14

9-21-14

9-21-14
I had FINALLY just finished knitting that rainbow blanket Kylie is wearing.
We both love it!

10-5-14
Sneaky face! This is Kylie's "about to get into trouble" face

10-6-14
Kylie LOVES pepperonis and cheese

10-11-14

10-26-14

10-26-14
Kylie was very proud of herself for getting on top of the box to see over the fence

10-26-14
My Halloween pumpkin!

10-30-14
Halloween Party!
I was sick 10-31 actually, so I am glad we went to a party the night before.
Kylie's friend Nikita's mom sewed the bodys and flippers and I crocheted the feet and hats.
Kylie is not wearing her hat because it was too warm, she stole my horns instead. =)

11-16-14
Kylie "brushing" her teeth while we get ready for bed.

11-10-14
First time in a stroller! We always wore her in the Baby bjorn before,
but now that she is close to 20 lbs it is getting hard.
She seems to really like the stroller now though, since she is already used to being a part of conversations.

11-21-14
We went to the midnight release of Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire!

11-28-14
Being lazy on Daddy

As I said up top, there are many more pictures, all of which you can see on my G+ if you are in my circles. Just add me or message me and I will add you =)

Rachael

Holidays for Kylie!

I am pagan. This means I celebrate Yule (winter solstice, usually the night of Dec 21) rather than Christmas. To me, this has evolved to actually mean that Yule is a small family unit holiday, and Christmas is what we celebrate with extended family.

That being out of the way, the subject of this blog post- What presents does Kylie want for the holidays? No one should feel obligated to get Kylie anything. She has lots of toys already. But for those who want to get something, I made this.

Kylie likes:

• Blue. If she has a choice of colors, Kylie usually goes for the blue one.
• Lots of parts. Kylie particularly likes toys that have a bunch of things that can be put into/taken out of a container.
• Sound effects. Originally when Kylie was a tiny baby I said I didn't want her to have any toys that make sounds/music. We have a few toys like that anyways, and they are Kylie's favorites. 
• Flippable pages. She likes turning pages back and forth. In traditional board books and also in toys.
• French! Kylie has been learning french (via me talking and disney movies,) so any toys that speak french are great! We only have one- a Baby Einstein piano.
• 12-18 month toys. Kylie is quite advanced for her age, and so toys directed at her age group do not go over as well as toys directed to the one above her.

A few ideas:

• LeapFrog Letter Factory Phonics and Numbers
• Fisher-Price Peek-a-Blocks. She has a few hand-me-downs and LOVES them. They come in lots of varieties.
• Fisher Price Little People A to Z Learning Zoo Playset
• Duplos. We have a collection going already. She cannot actually play with them yet though.
• Big buttons! I am collecting big (2in+) plastic buttons of various shapes and colors to put into a bag to play with. It helps with finger dexterity.
• Gift cards! Always an easy option. Toys R Us is good, Carters (clothes) is good, Amazon is even better. =)

And some please don't gets:

• Play food/kitchen. We want food to always be real food, and if she wants to help cook she can help for real.
• Stuffed animals. I feel like we are drowning in them already.
• Walkers. She can almost walk on her own.

As always, if you are unsure about something, feel free to call me and ask! Particularly if you think she might have it already. 

Rachael

Life gets crazy

Kylie is 10 months old now and doing AMAZING! She is cruising everywhere and can even take a few steps on her own. She understands simple phrases and will sometimes repeat them to me. "All done." "Come over here." "Not in the mouth." etc. Her giggles are the best sound in the world. Her dancing to music is just about the cutest thing too.

As always, Kylie comes first our (George and my) life. Sometimes to the detriment of ourselves. Things have gotten a little crazy and life decided to flip upside down for us. George lost his job about a month ago. I feel like we have discussed every possible direction for us to go after that. Should we stay in Cali where our friends are? Go to Texas to be near my family? Virginia to be near his family? Massachusetts where we were before? Apply places and go wherever they take us? After lots of thought and introspection we decided to go back to Virginia for now.

Marya has graciously offered for us to stay in the big house until we can/want to afford to get our own place. George's old company is possibly looking for remote workers, so we are hoping to get in on that. A period of time with George working but not needing to pay ridiculous rent will be very nice. Our bank account is not so happy with how our life has been lately. I am very much looking forward to Kylie getting to know her family. And the house- I LOVE that house. It has a properly sized kitchen (you could ballroom dance in it!) and a huge pantry space. The giant room (living room/dining room) has huge windows all around to let in natural light and to see the beautiful trees. 

Because of all this life-crazyness, I have neglected things like uploading the TONS of pictures of Kylie from my camera and phone. I will do that eventually. I know everyone wants to see Kylie =)

Rachael

Almost 6 months!

Kylie is the most important person in my world, and the same is true for George. No matter what we have been going through, she is ALWAYS put first. Not just for things like feeding and diaper changes, but also playtime and walks and working on skill sets. Sometimes I think if I loved her any more I might explode. =) I LOVE HER SO MUCH! She gets showered with hugs, cuddles, and kisses throughout the day, every day. Here are some things she does/likes now at almost 6 months old. 

One of her favorite things to do now is stand up (with help.) 

She has been eating solid foods for a bit now (since she was 4 months old.) Sometimes I give her a smashed up version of whatever we are eating, and sometimes she gets standard baby food. Her favorites- Indian food (with spicyness!), tomato basil pesto, guacamole, and sweet potatoes. We tried a "normal" sippy cup with her, but she usually swallows a bunch of air because she doesn't turn it upside down. I got her a straw sippy cup instead and she LOVES it. She drinks water (she likes it with ice) all the time now. Sometimes she has juice, but she really likes water.

Kylie now can roll back-to-front and front-to-back on both sides, even with a toy in hand! 

She also started TALKING! The things I have heard her say:

• "Hi"

• "Hey" 

• "I luh" and "I luh t" Kylie version of "I love you" and "I love you too"

• "Mmm Mmm" Which can mean "Mommy" or "Noms" (We call breastmilk noms)

• "Daduh" 

• "Acha" She called me this first, which is "Rachael." she started saying Mommy a few days later

• "Mommmmmmma" Kylie likes to draw out that second m in Mommy

• "Liza" When addressing Liza

• "Wa wah" Asking for her water cup

• "Cah hee" Asking for sips of George's coffee (I have no idea why she likes it so much, and she only ever gets a few sips once it's cooled.)

Kylie gets mad when people put things in their mouths and she doesn't get to taste it. She will taste something at least 3-4 times before deciding she doesn't like it. (Which is AWESOME!) 

If you kiss her a bunch she sometimes giggles. 

Sometimes after kissing her we can ask "Can I have kisses too?" and she will put her open mouth on a cheek and say "Muh." They get very wet, but it's SUPER adorable! Although, she doesn't like kissing George unless he is freshly shaven.

We have been swimming a few times, and she seems to like it. She has a floatie she sits in with her bottom half in the water, and she likes to kick her feet to move around a bit. She likes when we "swim" around the pool. She has not been underwater in the pool.

She continues to LOVE showers.

Kylie had a lot of fun playing with her auntie B in June.

She loves when we sing songs, particularly ones she recognizes. Her favorites-

• The Itsy Bitsy Spider (Mr. Mike's version, which is longer)
• Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (SMBC version, which is MUCH better)
• Going Through the Motions (From Buffy)
• The Ants Go Marching (in which we take turns making rhymes for what the ants do when they stop)
• 99 Bottles of Juice (in which we take turns saying how many bottles are taken down and then everyone does math quickly to continue, ex. 86 bottles of juice on the wall, 86 bottles of Juice, you take 8 down, pass 'um around, 78 bottles of juice on the wall)
• The Alphabet Song, with ASL signs (slightly modified to give each letter the same about of time- L, M, N, O, P is slower to not sound like one letter, and I end it with "Y and Z" with Z being a lower note that resolves the song, so the stupid end is taken off)
• Let's Make a Rainbow (Carebears song)
• My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic theme song (most of the songs from MLP: FIM actually)

Kylie has her own computer, it's a Samsung Galaxy Note Tablet that we named "Gala." I borrow it sometimes to play with. It's great for in the car- she can play all sorts of cool games that have things that flash on the screen when it's touched. 

And finally, some closing comments from the Baby herself! (Since she has been trying to grab my keyboard for the last 15 minutes.)

6+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++8596x ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++hhhhhhhhhttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttbk xbdqjdjqhqh 47777777777777777777777/*//777777777777777777777777giii+i 2.........................w /

  .iikxdknnnnnnnnnnnnnn,,,

Rachael & Kylie

Blahness

Blahness- That is about what I feel like most days. People need an update on our lives, and after putting it off for a few weeks, I have convinced myself to actually talk about it. Firstly, Kylie is doing excellent and she is an AMAZING baby! I love her more than anything else in the whole world, and she is always taken care of and loved and kissed. More on that later. George and I, on the other hand, have had some issues... 

Me

My doctor diagnosed me with PPD and started me on medication before I even realized anything was wrong. I few days after seeing her I really started to notice the things she was talking about, and I was glad I was already starting getting help. The details are not as important right now- the gist of it is that it SUCKS and as much as I love Kylie, I also wanted to go crawl into a hole and die. It's very hard for people to really understand what it is like, but trust me I wanted to "get over it" and "suck it up" more than anyone, but it just doesn't work that way. The first diagnosis was on May 17, and I am just now starting to come out the other side. 

I had back pain and a migraine most days, and as my doctor put it, "it's hard to tell if the pain is causing PPD or PPD causing pain." Part of how I coped with still being able to pick myself up off the floor to take care of and play with Kylie, was taking Oxy. Every time Kylie would cry for me and I felt like I would rather die than get up, I took an Oxy. (My doctor said this was okay.) It improved my mood 1000x and I would play and laugh and walk around, etc. I am quite aware it was a band-aid on the problem, but I was also starting anti-depressants, they can just take a while to work. 

This is all I will say about the Oxy usage: I was taking a little, which went up to a lot, which went up to a bunch. Kylie and I both went though some terrible withdraw back down to a little. Working on getting it to none, but that might not happen for a while. Do I regret it? No, not at all. Was/Am I addicted? In the biological sense, yes, because I went through withdraw going back down. In the psychological sense, no, I never felt like I couldn't live without it. I was/am in a better mood with it, but that is because feeling the full pain of a migraine sucks and makes me irritable. My doctors know all the reasons I take it, and they are okay with it.

George

I was not that great to be left alone with Kylie, because there was a 30 minute delay between "I WANT TO DIE, oh I guess I should take Oxy." and "Yay! Let's play!" So George took some of his paternity leave to be with me until I was a bit more stable. He was pretty much always on call for helping with me and helping with Kylie. He was also trying to keep the house in a decent state of cleanness (because dirty gives me more anxiety). 

As people who know George are probably aware, he has his own struggles with depression, so he knew exactly what I was going through. Unfortunately, I am his rock that keeps him stable and gets him help when he needs it before things get bad. He was busy helping me, and adding a bunch more stress in his life, while I was busy trying to take care of myself and Kylie. So... George started spiraling down into depression once again. We got him into a psychiatrist as soon as we could, and started back on medication. 

Combination

The big issues comes with the fact that BOTH of us were (are) struggling at the same time, AND we have a baby. Our support system out here in California is basically non-existent. For the last two months or so, it has been about like this: 

• I start to get a little better! 
• George starts to crash.
• I use all my energy keeping up with chores, loving and taking care of Kylie, and helping George get stable.
• George is starting to get better!
• I start to crash because I used so much energy.
• George uses all his energy to keep up with chores, loving and taking care of Kylie, and helping me get stable.
• I start to get better!
• George starts to crash because he used so much energy.

You can see why this is a problem... Overall things to get better, just very slowly. When we seem like we actually are finding a stable point for all of us, life throws stuff at us that starts it over again. (That happened twice so far.)

Kyile

Kylie is the most important person in my world, and the same is true for George. No matter what we have been going through, she is ALWAYS put first. Not just for things like feeding and diaper changes, but also playtime and walks and working on skill sets. Stay tuned for my next blog post- all about Kylie!

Conclusion

George and I are slowly, VERY SLOWLY, getting better. A support system would be a pretty great thing for us, and it would have made this issue way easier in the first place. I have not posted on social media for a while now- At first it was because I was just so blah and didn't care. After a while though, I was waiting to see how long it would take for someone to wonder where I was and if I was okay... on the 4 different sites I frequent, only on one did someone ask about me. 

Anyways, I'm getting there. Slowly. Maybe next week I will actually upload the TONS of pictures I have of Kylie. =)

Rachael

Woman's Day

Today is "Mother's Day" to most people. Last year I decided that it's a stupid holiday and I would no longer celebrate it. Lets make it "Women's day" instead. 

Last year on this day, we were in the middle of our 6th fertility cycle. I was getting daily shots of FSH to try to make an egg for a chance to be a mother. I was upset because I was convinced that it would not work and we would need to go to IVF, and maybe I would even need to have an egg donor. All I wanted, more than anything else, was to have a baby. Almost every time I left my house or went online in early May last year were reminders of how I was not a mother. There were pictures of cute kids, and people congratulating others on their reproductive capabilities. It hurt. It hurt a lot. 

Have you ever had a time when you felt like your soul was being crushed? That's kinda what infertility feels like. Every fertility cycle you imagine your egg meeting up with a sperm and becoming a beautiful baby that will became a wonderful person. Then when you get a negative test, that theoretical child dies. Most people don't really understand the scope of that. People kept telling me things like, "Well, maybe next time." or "It will happen eventually." My baby DIED. Why would people act like nothing had happened? 

Anyways, back to the point of this blog post. When you wish someone (in public), "Happy Mother's Day" you are crushing the souls of people who want more than anything to be a mother who might hear you. You are shoving it in their face all day long. A lot of infertiles refuse to leave the house on Woman's day because it hurts too much. 

Now that I am on the other side and this year I am a mother, I still don't see the point of having a day for it. I am happy to be a mother EVERY day. I don't need people to congratulate me, I am happy enough already. Give your love and hugs and gifts to those without a baby to snuggle with.

We can say, "Happy Women's day." We can celebrate all types- Those who have children, those who lost their children, those who choose not to have children, those who are not ready yet, those who are having trouble, those who cannot have children, and all others. All Women are wonderful and powerful. You don't need to have babies to prove it.

Rachael

P.S. Thanking your own mother for having you and raising you is good too. Parenting is hard and wonderful. =)

Energizer Bunny

I keep wanting to post more, but.. Well, being a (good) parent is a lot like being the energizer bunny. You have to keep going and going and going. When Kylie falls asleep and I am not rushing to clean dishes or clothes and I FINALLY have a minute to sit down by myself, blogging is not the first thing on my mind. I tell myself things like, "Well, after I catch up with everyone (G+, ravelry, facebook) and call this place then I will start a blog post to update everyone." Then I usually don't even have a chance to do all the proceeding stuff before Kylie wakes up. Like just now. I love having a baby and staying at home, but it doesn't leave much time for much else =P Now I have to feed the baby.

Rachael