Almost 6 months!

Kylie is the most important person in my world, and the same is true for George. No matter what we have been going through, she is ALWAYS put first. Not just for things like feeding and diaper changes, but also playtime and walks and working on skill sets. Sometimes I think if I loved her any more I might explode. =) I LOVE HER SO MUCH! She gets showered with hugs, cuddles, and kisses throughout the day, every day. Here are some things she does/likes now at almost 6 months old. 

One of her favorite things to do now is stand up (with help.) 

She has been eating solid foods for a bit now (since she was 4 months old.) Sometimes I give her a smashed up version of whatever we are eating, and sometimes she gets standard baby food. Her favorites- Indian food (with spicyness!), tomato basil pesto, guacamole, and sweet potatoes. We tried a "normal" sippy cup with her, but she usually swallows a bunch of air because she doesn't turn it upside down. I got her a straw sippy cup instead and she LOVES it. She drinks water (she likes it with ice) all the time now. Sometimes she has juice, but she really likes water.

Kylie now can roll back-to-front and front-to-back on both sides, even with a toy in hand! 

She also started TALKING! The things I have heard her say:

• "Hi"

• "Hey" 

• "I luh" and "I luh t" Kylie version of "I love you" and "I love you too"

• "Mmm Mmm" Which can mean "Mommy" or "Noms" (We call breastmilk noms)

• "Daduh" 

• "Acha" She called me this first, which is "Rachael." she started saying Mommy a few days later

• "Mommmmmmma" Kylie likes to draw out that second m in Mommy

• "Liza" When addressing Liza

• "Wa wah" Asking for her water cup

• "Cah hee" Asking for sips of George's coffee (I have no idea why she likes it so much, and she only ever gets a few sips once it's cooled.)

Kylie gets mad when people put things in their mouths and she doesn't get to taste it. She will taste something at least 3-4 times before deciding she doesn't like it. (Which is AWESOME!) 

If you kiss her a bunch she sometimes giggles. 

Sometimes after kissing her we can ask "Can I have kisses too?" and she will put her open mouth on a cheek and say "Muh." They get very wet, but it's SUPER adorable! Although, she doesn't like kissing George unless he is freshly shaven.

We have been swimming a few times, and she seems to like it. She has a floatie she sits in with her bottom half in the water, and she likes to kick her feet to move around a bit. She likes when we "swim" around the pool. She has not been underwater in the pool.

She continues to LOVE showers.

Kylie had a lot of fun playing with her auntie B in June.

She loves when we sing songs, particularly ones she recognizes. Her favorites-

• The Itsy Bitsy Spider (Mr. Mike's version, which is longer)
• Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (SMBC version, which is MUCH better)
• Going Through the Motions (From Buffy)
• The Ants Go Marching (in which we take turns making rhymes for what the ants do when they stop)
• 99 Bottles of Juice (in which we take turns saying how many bottles are taken down and then everyone does math quickly to continue, ex. 86 bottles of juice on the wall, 86 bottles of Juice, you take 8 down, pass 'um around, 78 bottles of juice on the wall)
• The Alphabet Song, with ASL signs (slightly modified to give each letter the same about of time- L, M, N, O, P is slower to not sound like one letter, and I end it with "Y and Z" with Z being a lower note that resolves the song, so the stupid end is taken off)
• Let's Make a Rainbow (Carebears song)
• My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic theme song (most of the songs from MLP: FIM actually)

Kylie has her own computer, it's a Samsung Galaxy Note Tablet that we named "Gala." I borrow it sometimes to play with. It's great for in the car- she can play all sorts of cool games that have things that flash on the screen when it's touched. 

And finally, some closing comments from the Baby herself! (Since she has been trying to grab my keyboard for the last 15 minutes.)

6+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++8596x ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++hhhhhhhhhttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttbk xbdqjdjqhqh 47777777777777777777777/*//777777777777777777777777giii+i 2.........................w /

  .iikxdknnnnnnnnnnnnnn,,,

Rachael & Kylie

Blahness

Blahness- That is about what I feel like most days. People need an update on our lives, and after putting it off for a few weeks, I have convinced myself to actually talk about it. Firstly, Kylie is doing excellent and she is an AMAZING baby! I love her more than anything else in the whole world, and she is always taken care of and loved and kissed. More on that later. George and I, on the other hand, have had some issues... 

Me

My doctor diagnosed me with PPD and started me on medication before I even realized anything was wrong. I few days after seeing her I really started to notice the things she was talking about, and I was glad I was already starting getting help. The details are not as important right now- the gist of it is that it SUCKS and as much as I love Kylie, I also wanted to go crawl into a hole and die. It's very hard for people to really understand what it is like, but trust me I wanted to "get over it" and "suck it up" more than anyone, but it just doesn't work that way. The first diagnosis was on May 17, and I am just now starting to come out the other side. 

I had back pain and a migraine most days, and as my doctor put it, "it's hard to tell if the pain is causing PPD or PPD causing pain." Part of how I coped with still being able to pick myself up off the floor to take care of and play with Kylie, was taking Oxy. Every time Kylie would cry for me and I felt like I would rather die than get up, I took an Oxy. (My doctor said this was okay.) It improved my mood 1000x and I would play and laugh and walk around, etc. I am quite aware it was a band-aid on the problem, but I was also starting anti-depressants, they can just take a while to work. 

This is all I will say about the Oxy usage: I was taking a little, which went up to a lot, which went up to a bunch. Kylie and I both went though some terrible withdraw back down to a little. Working on getting it to none, but that might not happen for a while. Do I regret it? No, not at all. Was/Am I addicted? In the biological sense, yes, because I went through withdraw going back down. In the psychological sense, no, I never felt like I couldn't live without it. I was/am in a better mood with it, but that is because feeling the full pain of a migraine sucks and makes me irritable. My doctors know all the reasons I take it, and they are okay with it.

George

I was not that great to be left alone with Kylie, because there was a 30 minute delay between "I WANT TO DIE, oh I guess I should take Oxy." and "Yay! Let's play!" So George took some of his paternity leave to be with me until I was a bit more stable. He was pretty much always on call for helping with me and helping with Kylie. He was also trying to keep the house in a decent state of cleanness (because dirty gives me more anxiety). 

As people who know George are probably aware, he has his own struggles with depression, so he knew exactly what I was going through. Unfortunately, I am his rock that keeps him stable and gets him help when he needs it before things get bad. He was busy helping me, and adding a bunch more stress in his life, while I was busy trying to take care of myself and Kylie. So... George started spiraling down into depression once again. We got him into a psychiatrist as soon as we could, and started back on medication. 

Combination

The big issues comes with the fact that BOTH of us were (are) struggling at the same time, AND we have a baby. Our support system out here in California is basically non-existent. For the last two months or so, it has been about like this: 

• I start to get a little better! 
• George starts to crash.
• I use all my energy keeping up with chores, loving and taking care of Kylie, and helping George get stable.
• George is starting to get better!
• I start to crash because I used so much energy.
• George uses all his energy to keep up with chores, loving and taking care of Kylie, and helping me get stable.
• I start to get better!
• George starts to crash because he used so much energy.

You can see why this is a problem... Overall things to get better, just very slowly. When we seem like we actually are finding a stable point for all of us, life throws stuff at us that starts it over again. (That happened twice so far.)

Kyile

Kylie is the most important person in my world, and the same is true for George. No matter what we have been going through, she is ALWAYS put first. Not just for things like feeding and diaper changes, but also playtime and walks and working on skill sets. Stay tuned for my next blog post- all about Kylie!

Conclusion

George and I are slowly, VERY SLOWLY, getting better. A support system would be a pretty great thing for us, and it would have made this issue way easier in the first place. I have not posted on social media for a while now- At first it was because I was just so blah and didn't care. After a while though, I was waiting to see how long it would take for someone to wonder where I was and if I was okay... on the 4 different sites I frequent, only on one did someone ask about me. 

Anyways, I'm getting there. Slowly. Maybe next week I will actually upload the TONS of pictures I have of Kylie. =)

Rachael