I have an anxiety disorder. This has been known for a long time, and was medically diagnosed when I was 16. It is not rational, and I can't help it. Sometimes things cause it in stupid ways, like things being on the floor making me freak out. Or not wanting to go into a room with a closed door. Should those things make me freak out? No. But I don't really get choices.
Then sometimes, the anxiety presents in even more odd ways. Today, I woke up and I felt miserable Just really anxious. Like I wanted to go into the corner and cry my eyes out for no apparent reason. Nothing happened, and nothing is different about today that I can see. I took a shower, and didn't feel any better. I cannot take my anxiety meds anymore because of the baby, so I had to figure out something I could do. Anything really, to make the anxiety go away. So I opened iTunes and turned on the new Bowling for Soup album. I played it loud on my speakers, and I made myself go into the kitchen and make a pesto sandwich (I think that is my new favorite food.) I was not hungry, but I had not eaten. I didn't want to listen to music, or sing, or dance.
That was about an hour ago. Now there is an empty plate in front of me, and I am feeling much better. I guess maybe part of me is starting to understand how to deal with anxiety, even if all the rest of me screams, "NO. NO MUSIC. NO FOODS. GO CRY."
Bowling for Soup, my favorite band since 6th grade, still making me feel better =) Also, food. Everyone loves food =)
Rachael
