My Little Brother

For those of you who are not aware, I have a little brother. He 4.5 years younger than me. When he was born I protected him and took care of him (or tried at least). When we were young we fought like most siblings do. When we started getting older, our interests started actually lining up a bit, and we got along. He got me into Pokemon and Runescape and I got him into guitar. When I was 14 and ran away from my dads house, I took him with me. We both ended up living at our moms not long after that and we started actually hanging out more. When none of his friends were over and none of mine were online, we would hang out in his room playing guitar and talking about science things. I tried to encourage him in his guitar playing and programming. Senior year we connected a lot more, being much closer in interest groups. Then I went to college 250 miles away. 

My freshman year was really difficult for me emotionally. I was taking 18 hours and ended up with a 3.89 GPA, but I felt like I had SO MUCH free time, it was boring. People would try to help by asking, "Well, what did you do in your free time last year?" I would go hang out with my brother, or do crafts with my little sister (at the time, she was 4). I discovered new games via my brother and we played them together (Pokemon, WoW, Spyro, Mortal Kombat). I had no one left to take care of and protect, only equals. Then when I learned my sister was acting out in school, and my brother started failing, it got worse. They needed me there, I wanted to go home. I stuck with it, knowing that I needed a college degree, and I did grow as a person, but it still hurts to know all the time I lost. 

Right after college, I got married and moved really close to my family for a few months. It was so cool seeing them and helping Zach figure out college stuff. He somehow became the SUPER popular kid at school without trying at all. He was Prom King... It was nice to be around, but even more sad when we left. Now I live in Massachusetts, which is SO FAR AWAY! It made it slightly easier knowing that Zach was not at home anyways, he was at college. Over Thanksgiving I started noticing how much he has changed and really become his own person. My little brother is not so little anymore!

I talked to my mom over the holidays, and apparently Zach brought all his stuff back home and said he was not going back to college. He failed most of his classes and he felt like it was not worth going deep into debt when he thinks he will fail again. I talked to George and asked a bit about the Computer Science field... you HAVE to have at least a bachelors to do anything. So Zach needs a degree, but he did not like Texas State for whatever reason. I called him and gave him his choices- Pack his stuff back up and go back there and do better, take some classes at the nearest community college (~30 minutes, and it sucks) and get a job, or come move in with George and me. (Grammatically, George and me right there is correct. Just saying.) His reaction was something like, "Well, moving is obviously the best choice for me, so I guess that is what we should do." I really thought there would be more... argument?

At this point you might be thinking, "How does that help?" Lots of reasons.
1. When I would call him every now and then and ask how classes were going, we would say he was failing and George or I would help him through it. That was really useful, but he fails to call me when he needs help. He will only accept when help is offered. If he is here, we can help.
2. He has ADHD. I know this, he knows this, it is obvious. Medication helps him a lot, but he is one of those people that needs someone to say, "Your appointment is Friday at 10am, be there." Our mom is not that person, and our dad is against medication. I can be that person. If he chooses not to take medicine that is totally fine as well, but we cannot ignore the ADHD to hope it goes away. Yoga and meditation along with a doctors note to record all lectures is a good start. He can get on Mass health here and actually see a doctor.
3. The reason he chose Texas state in the first place was his friends. I think he just did not "click" with it for some reason. The plan here is getting an associates in Computer Science at the community college ~15 minutes away in 2 years. There are rules in Mass that say all public colleges in the state have to accept them, and University of Mass Lowell has exact transfer info from Middlesex Community College. He can have his choice of University to transfer to, and this time he can tour them and actually make a choice.
4. He hates that he had to take out a $14k loan for his first semester. He did not get any scholarships, and financial aid only covered his tuition at TSU. Dorms + Meal plan is expensive. Here he will be living in an apartment with George and me, where his room and food are not putting him into debt. MCC is way cheaper, and hopefully financial aid will cover most-all of it. UML is only 24 minutes from our apartment if he decides he wants to stay with us, or he could leave to live in a dorm/apartment =)
5. If he wants a part-time job, we live in a HUGE computer science area. He can get something way more worth-while than fast food.
6. George and Thomas are both wonderful role models for him. They can even help with CS competition stuff to help get him scholarships for university. George is happy to help with anything math/science/CS and probably pretty useful at History and English. I can help with the Psyc, French, and Music.
7. Lastly, this one is for me. I have had loneliness issues since we moved away, and having my little brother around will be SO helpful! Just thinking about all this and helping make plans has gotten me to clean the house and cook =P

I have a flight down to Texas on the 1st, and then we will head out with his car full of stuff (mostly music stuff) up to Mass. We have up to 2 weeks to get here, but I think it will only take 1 week. Then we get to all move into the new place together! We had an extra bedroom there for future babies, but that is at least 9 months out, so it is now Zach's room. We are not sure what will happen when there is a baby around. Move into a 3 bedroom or rent a house if he wants to stay, but none of us know if he will want to wake up to a baby =P Come to think of it, he would probably sleep through it.

My live has changed a LOT over the last week, in a very good way =)

Rachael

December Update

I have been feeling very BLAH lately. But it has been a month since I posted, so I guess I should.

I have been sort of lonely and depressed-ish lately because I am now home alone every day. George has a job, and is doing well, and I miss him =( I don't even get much stuff done around the house when he is gone, which makes me feel worse. I stopped taking my medicine last month, and I think it is really catching up to me. I am dizzy and tired and don't have energy to do anything now. Meh, maybe I should take it today. 

I posted in the Slytherin common room (its a knitting group thing...) about some of the issues I have had with lonelyness, and I was very impressed with how much support I have there, which actually made me feel a lot better. =D

I visited home for Thanksgiving, and that was a lot of fun to see everyone =) I wish I knew when I would see them all again. Living so far away is hard =/

George and I decided to try an IUI this (last) month rather than TI again. That was... uncomfortable, but not as bad as I feared. The doctor said he gives it a 45% chance to work for us, but each month that is fails that number goes down a lot. IVF has a 50% chance to work for us. Power of positive thinking! IT WILL WORK THIS TIME. I am taking next cycle off either way, because we are successful or because we are taking the next step and getting an HSG to check my tubes. Time will tell. 

I don't even know what else I want to post about. We are moving to a new townhouse/apartment once our lease is up here in January. I have a place picked out, but waiting to hear back that we can for sure more in there =)

Rachael

November is a good month

It is November! This is going to be a great month.
1. My birthday is on the 15! I will be 23. 
2. It gets COLD! Well, at least that was the rule in Texas, I think it might snow up here O.O
3. Thanksgiving! I get to see family without all the complications of presents or that I celebrate Yule and not Christmas. YUMMY FOODS! Oh and no one calls you fat for eating way too much. 
4. I am visiting home in Texas! George and I already got our plane tickets. I need ta take lots of pictures to make a "Texas vs Mass" blog post when I get back. (Like the flat landscape, and lack of trees compared to here. Maybe I can get a squirrel picture as well, they look different.)
5. I already finished all my shots this month, so I am just waiting for the test on the 12th to see if this month was a good one baby wise.
6. My SHOP is almost ready! I have all the entries in there and ready to go, the logo has been approved (FINALLY!) and now I am just waiting on the banner & logo final documents from the artist.
7. George had an interview yesterday, and it went well! It was with the company Thomas works at, the one we moved here for.

That is all I can think of right now. Also, I wanted to put the larger version of my avatar/ravatar somewhere so people can see it big. The photographer is working on the whole album now, after I finally gave him the list of what I wanted.

Rachael

Early Birthday Present!

I have been dyeing yarn for my shop lately. I started taking pictures of them, very necessary for a yarn shop.

Grape Harvest

Chocolate Covered Cherries

They look good, but the colors are... not always that spot on, especially in the purple.

So... I got this for an early birthday present today.

A REAL Camera!

My first REAL camera! It is a DSLR. The lens comes off and everything! George said he was ok with a fancy camera because he is attempting to re-kindle my love of photography that died 8 years ago when someone stole my camera. Here are the same yarns again.

Grape Harvest

Chocolate Covered Cherries

You can really see the color of the purple MUCH better. The detail is so much nicer as well. This was at night- it would be even better in the sunlight! I LOVE IT! I now have the requirement placed on me that I will take and upload at least one picture a day. I hope I can catch the AMAZING color of the trees here in the morning. They are so beautiful, nothing like it in Texas.

Rachael

Round 2

I noticed I had not posted for a while, and maybe someone out there is wondering what I am up to, so here goes. 

Last month of fertility treatment I took clomid for 7 days (I think it was 7). How does that medicine work? Well, first, you need to understand the beginning of a female cycle. The body produces estrogen until a part of the brain (pituitary) says that there is enough via some receptors. Well, my body was not producing enough, which is one of the reasons I was not ovulating. Clomid blocks the receptor in the pituitary from knowing there in enough estrogen, so the body produces more, thinking that the level has not yet been reached. After my taking this medicine for 7 days, my estrogen level was still too low. So I had to have 2 estrogen shots to increase it. After all that, I had 1 good follicle. Only 1. Well, that follicle did not decide to become an embryo, so I am back here again. This time, because of the failed experience with clomid, my doctor went straight to shots. 10 days of shots. Well, one thing happened from that so far- I got over my horrible fear of them out of necessity. 6 days into the shots, I went it to check my estrogen level, still too low! So now he has doubled my dose of shots. I think one problem is that my cycles are usually 5-6 weeks long, and they are forcing them to be 4 weeks. My body is used to producing the little estrogen it does manage around week 2-3, not 1-2. So I am just getting straight artificial hormones, rather than working with what my body can do. I guess it is all the same in the end. I have the next check in the morning (Tuesday) to see if this dose is good, or if I need even more. I don't even know what to think. Last month around this time my boobs were getting huge (that is very disconcerting actually, to have something about your appearance change so fast) and this month, not. I think I am a bit more crazy-like this month, but not quite as snappish.

If any of you are paying attention to what time this post is at, you can see I am a bit... nocturnal. I was back to a normal schedule earlier this week after lots of work. Then I woke up one morning, went downstairs, ate food, started knitting, and started developing a migraine. So I went back to sleep. I slept something like 18 hours in a 24 hour period, it was insane O.o It also completely ruined the work I had done to fix it -.- Now it sucks even more, because George is not awake at the same times as me, and it gets lonely. I will try to stay awake today and power through! (I said that yesterday as well...) This also can't be that good for trying to regulate my body's cycles, ugh. 

I have been dyeing LOTS OF YARN! Here is this months' work so far.

Still working with the graphic artist on the logo for my shop, but it is getting close. I also realized a few things I had no idea on how to do (like calculating shipping) and I am working those out. After dying 15 skeins this month, I can tell you I think I was meant to be a dyer. It is so satisfying, even after doing so many.

I have picked up Roller Coaster Tycoon as my new game I am obsessed with. Well, not so new. I have it on a Windows 95 virtual machine to get it to play right =P I remember some of the levels being hard as a kid, and they are not all that hard now. 

Time for food, and back to knitting while listening to my book- Wheel of Time Book 4.

Rachael

Yarn Dying!

George and I spent a lot of last week seeing Liza down in Virginia. We dyed yarn together and ate food and she got us started on Dr Who. Here are Pictures! (As you might have guessed, this is way picture heavy.)

Getting Everything Set Up

Liza's (Future) Rainbow

Both of us space dying!

Liza doing her Rainbow

Liza's Rainbow again

Packing it up to be steamed

Still Packing

Yay Rainbow!

Rainbow Steaming

Rainbow and Pink/Purple out of the steamer

Setting up for round 2

Rainbow out of steamer again

Turquoise kettle dying

Turquoise kettle dying again

Liza dying across the skein for a dark manly colorway

Rainbow cooling off

Chocolate Brown kettle dying

Rainbow and turquoise sharing a bath

Bathing my Rainbow

My rainbow soaking

Liza's Rainbow hanging to dry

Pink/Purple and chocolate sharing a bath

Both rainbows drying

Chocolate, Turquoise, and the dark manly one drying

Purple/Blue Kettle variegated dying

Purple/Blue Kettle variegated dying again

All the space dyed ones hanging to dry in the bathroom

Make-shift niddy noddy I was going to re-skein on, but the yarn was too tangled

Purple/Blue Kettle variegated round 1 complete

Starting Round 2

Liza adding more dye

Me observing Liza add more dye

Finished Dark manly colorway- Liza

Finished Pink/Purple for Bianca- Mine

Rainbow- Liza

Double Rainbow- Mine, this was also the only worsted weight

Purple/Blue Jewel tones- Liza

Liza drew an idea for the shop logo!

Rachael

Shots

Ferlility Treatment

I hate shots. I can do blood draws and IVs, but I HATE shots. I knew this month of doing the clomid cycle I would need a shot, and I dreaded it. Then yesterday they decided I need at least 3. AHH! The appointment determined that I have a lot of follicles maturing, but my E2 (Estrodiol) level is way too low. It is 140 and ideally it should be 200-300 for each mature egg. So I am now having to get Gonal-F shots, which increase my E2. Then Monday I have more tests to determine where I stand. Maybe more E2 shots, maybe time for the trigger shot to release eggs and make ovulation occur. 

As far as side effects of clomid, it was not that bad. I was a little more touchy emotionally. As in, it was much easier to get annoyed/upset over things. Then there was the completely unexplainable crying at one point. George kept saying he did not understand, but neither did I O.o I should still be getting the symptoms from it all month, because it increased my estrogen. Bleh.

George

George is now officially off his meds, and surprisingly, but amazingly, he is MUCH better. He said that his head feels more clear than it has in the past year and a half. I am trying to convince him to make a post here so people will stop bugging me about never hearing his side... He is thinking about (nothing has happened yet) applying to more jobs in Boston, starting with Ratheon. 

Gaming

I voiced my desire to play a game a few days ago, so George decided I was going to play Torchlight with him. So Now I have a steam account (messymouse) and he gifted Torchlight 2 to me. I have an embermage who is now level 20 =) This game is totally what Diablo 3 should have been, but D3 sucked. I hate feeling like I am in a beta. 'Oh so you know that attack speed you were stacking, we cut it in half because it was too powerful. Now you will really not be able to win. Carry on.' I am sticking to my previous rule of 4 hrs a day though. Well, unless I am in the middle of something, I can finish it.

Books

As many of you know, I am an avid audiobook listener. Harry Potter read by Stephen Fry is my ALL TIME FAVORITE. I think I am at 7 complete series listens now. Anyways, I have tried Wheel of Time again, this time while taking notes. I LOVE it! The biggest problem I had was keeping track of characters, but as I was taking notes I noticed that almost everyone has 3 names/titles and it randomly uses all of them. That made it so much easier! So now I am on book 3 of the series, and I think I will see it through all 12 and maybe #13 will be out before then (Jan '13 I think). Then George and I always have something we are listening to together for long car trips or just want to spend time together doing a puzzle or something. We just started Game of Thrones again. The first time I found it confusing and hard to keep track of what was going on. This time, I took notes and even without that, I have no idea what the problem was. We are liking it =)


Rachael

Here Goes Nothing!

Today is Day 5 of my new cycle (that last one ended up being 48 days!) so that means it is the day I start clomid. So here goes nothing!

I am scared and excited. 

I decided recently that I am going to start my own etsy shop as an indie dyer. I got the dyes yesterday and mixed them all up into bottles. I should be getting the yarn this morning, and then George and I are headed down to Raleigh today (that will take all day...). Tomorrow we will pack the van with stuff from the house and then head over to Virginia to see Liza! She wants to try out dying, so I am bringing the dye stuff =) I am super excited about my shop, and I already did the hardest part, I came up with a name! "Messy Mouse Studios" Now I need a logo! I am thinking something like a mouse on/beside a ball of yarn that has dye splashed on both of them. More on that later after I find an artist. 

The big thing I am going to try to do in my shop is fill a hole I have noticed in the yarn market. (There are probably some solutions already, but not that predominant.) I really like the look of things like KP Chroma with it's long gradual color changes, but I hate single-ply yarn >.< I am WAY to hard on yarn for that, I always break it. So I want to try to experiment to figure out how to dye yarns that way that are not single-ply =) I have no idea how to do it, but I will try!

I made George apply to Amazon in Seattle. They had a really cool job opening that suited him, and it was in Seattle, and I don't mind moving again so much. I wanted to move to Seattle when we were back in Texas, maybe I will get my wish after all. 

Liza taught me to CROCHET recently! Look at this amazingness!

It is really not that bad looking. My hand on the other hand, FREAKING HURTS. I need to grow me some crochet muscles! Also, I need to learn to not use acrylic no matter how pretty it is >.< I really like the look of that blanket, but the squeakiness of the yarn is getting to me. Maybe I will get some worsted superwash yarn next time I place an order and dye some to look like it =D

That is all for now, I need to go pack for the trip today =)

CD 41

At my last RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) appointment, my T4 was tested again. It is now in the normal range with the medicine I am on, yay! This means this is the month for the clomid cycle! I was under the impression that I was going to get a medicine to start Day 1 that day, but they would rather wait for my natural cycle. I am baffled as to why, we are controlling every other hormone this month, why wait for mine for this one thing? Anyway, now I have to wait for my body to behave. It is now officially Cycle Day 41. 41! That is CRAZY late. If they had not already done a blood pregnancy test I would be excited, but there is virtually no chance I am pregnant right now, my body is just being stupid. The RE will give me meds to start AF (Aunt Flo, aka period) if it has not happened by CD 50. So 9 days or less until the Clomid month starts. See you then.

Rachael

Fertility Update

My cycle evaluation is complete. Well, actually, I was called on day 21 and told that they have the information they need and to schedule an apt with the Doctor. I figured it was not ovulating if they knew on 21 but not 14. Plus, that was what I was expecting. 

The solution is to take Clomid, which was expected. What I did not expect was taking this whole conceiving thing by the horns and controlling EVERYTHING. But before any of that, they need to make sure my thyroid levels are stable and appropriate. Apparently thyroid hormone is vital during pregnancy, I never knew. So, the plan!

8/31- Come in for bloodwork for thyroid levels. If they like what they find, start day 1, if not, adjust meds and come back in 3 weeks once they are stable.

Day 1 (hopefully 8/31)- After confirming I am not pregnant, start a medicine that makes me start my period. This way we KNOW it is day 1 for sure.

Day 5-9- Take Clomid daily. This basically elevates my estrogen level so eggs develop more than usual (and possibly makes more than 1 develop, there is a chance of multiples)

Day 10- Bloodwork and ultrasound to look at developing folicle(s).

Day 11- Bloodwork

Day 12- Bloodwork and ultrasound; Folicles should be developed properly by now and need to be released. That night, injection of Ovidrel, which forces the folicle(s) to release their egg(s). 

Day 13- TI (Timed intercourse) starts. 

Day 14- TI

Day 15- TI

Day 16- Injection of progesterone, which helps my body get ready to support a pregnancy.

Day 28- Pregnancy Test

I was expecting the Clomid, but not the TOTAL control of my hormone system by Ovidrel and Progestorone as well. Might as well though, chances are a lot better this way. No matter what step(s) are failing, we have it covered. Chance of multiples goes from 1-2% up to 8-12% with Clomid. Which I like, but the doctors seem not to.

On another note, I have no idea what this blog has/will become. I dont tend to post knitting things on it like was the original plan. Maybe it will become a child development blog, and since they are no children, its just my ramblings of infertility. We will see.

Rachael

Hunger and thyroid

A few days ago was my second round of fertility tests. They determined that my thyroid levels are low and started me on a replacement drug. Apparently that can cause infertility. All I have noticed so far (as of last night) is that it now feels as if I am wearing a turtleneck sweater all the time (pressure on my throat) which is really bugging me. I am not sure if that is normal, but it is the weekend still so I cant call and ask.

When reading the side effects of the medicine, it said increased appetite and weight loss. Kind of odd... Then I woke up in the middle of the night (aka now) STARVING! I ate half a jar of peanuts and some pretzels while preparing muffins and sausage to eat. They are cooking now and I am so hungry I am literally shaking. It's not as if I don't eat!? I am chalking it up to the new meds, because this is way abnormal. I am as hungry as when I was weaning off straterra. It is not fun to have a desire to eat THE WORLD. I am posting to get my mind off of it for 15 minutes... not working.

Other news. George applied for a job and is in the process of applying for another up here in Boston. I am now seriously considering finding a school to take Philosophy at (as a step up from wanting to do it...) It is just a bunch of headaches to figure out all the logistics of it. I will get to it before classes start, and I know that is soon... 

I have been knitting a lot lately. I decided to make a shawl for the Slytherin KAL that is kinda lacy and it is ADDICTIVE. I dont know if I will even wear the thing, but lace shawls are fun! 

FOOD IS BEEPING, I AM HUNGRY.

Rachael

Update: I found a school and registered myself. I also registered for my teaching exams.

Babies

I want to have babies. So far, this is not happening. Its been almost 8 months now! 

I went to a OBGYN a few months ago to try to figure out what was wrong and I had a bad experience. He asked how long we had been trying (5 months) and then metaphorically rolled his eyes at me like I was WAY overreacting and explained how 50% of couples dont conceive in 6 months and it is totally normal. I replied that I know it could be fine but I want to be checked anyways because I dont want to wait another 6 months to be tested if it was a simple problem. If the tests were normal I would breathe a little easier and be more patient. So reluctantly he decided they would check out my hormone levels. I asked to get George tested as well and he refused to until I was ruled out. So fine, I would do this hormone test. I went to the desk to schedule it and it had to be on day 28 of my cycle. That was the middle of the week I was to be in Texas. The day 28 was because my cycles are typically long (5-6 weeks) so this would theoretically be my "day 21".  Knowing that, I asked if I could just come in right before I leave and again right after I am back, wouldn't that give better info anyways? No. My doctor said no. To wait ANOTHER month for day 28. That was extremely frustrating, but I had no choice. 

Day 28 of the next cycle I went into the office at my time and sat there in the waiting room for over half an hour. I finally got called back and they took one vial of blood and I was done. No doctor or anything, WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG!? Anyways... A few days later I got a phone call saying my progesterone was really low and either I did not ovulate or they took it on the wrong day. I was glad to hear that something was wrong. As backwards as that is, it was a relief to know that I have begun the path to fixing it rather than waiting until next January. -.-  I was a little annoyed that they didn't do more samples. wouldn't it make since if they are thinking it might be 28 instead of 21 they do the test at both days? The conclusion was I need to come back again on day 28 of the next month. Then I moved to Boston.


I found a reproductive medicine/infertility clinic near our house in Boston because it is simpler that way. We went in to our first appointment (OUR, not MY, it was nice) and after only a short wait time we saw the Doctor in his office. He got some background info on why we were there and how he could help us. I love that he asked us these things, not a nurse. Then he said we need to do a full cycle evaluation to see what is going on, and we need to test George as well. Testing on day 1, 3, 10, etc. To track my hormone levels through the cycle. That seems SO MUCH more reasonable and useful. I never got scoffed at for it only being 7 months or anything. He took me seriously, as he should.

Yesterday was day 1, so they had me come in this morning (since day 1 was after 3pm) for the tests. I walked up to the counter, was taken directly inside for blood, then directly over to the ultrasound room and had that done. Then I was free to leave. In-out-done. I dont think I have ever seen a doctors office that efficient. We were there for maybe 20 minutes total. It gets even better. They do all the testing there, so hours later I was called with my results and further instructions. HOURS. I also liked their whole attitude to the process. They had a little pink book in the waiting room that you are free to write in and share stories with future visitors or read the stories that are there. It was nice to read about people praying for success on the IVF they were about to get or gushing about their pregnancy with twins via IUI.


I feel so much better about everything now. I am sure I am in good hands and they will help us figure this thing out and have babies.


In other news, Thomas was helping/slave driving George to work on his resume and apply for jobs last night. I think there are 2 he is interested in so far. Thomas is good for us =)

Life changes

George and I are now living in Boston, MA. To anyone who knows me, this is a shock. 

We had a house in Raleigh, George had a place at NCSU, we had puppies. I know all that. We needed to move. The grad school program was not working out for him there for various reasons. I didn't really like it there. I can't really pinpoint why. But here in Boston, it seems better. Thomas, a good friend of George since childhood, lives in the same complex as us. He is just one of those people that you cant help but feel emotionally stable around, which I think both of us need. George is trying to get a job at the same place Thomas is at, which will be great. Anyways we still own the house in Raleigh for now and we only have a 6 month lease in case this was a bad idea and we want to go back. The puppies have new homes and I have gotten updates from Cygnus' new family and it seems really good for him.

As George and I were packing (ALONE! Where were all our friends!?) we went out for lunch, and I seemed to snap out of my video game hungry trance (as I had been denied them for a few days) and I came to some realizations. I decided from now on I will only play video games up to 4 hrs a day, to be weaned down to 2 hrs in coming months. And no MMORPGs at all. I have noticed how much they are consuming my life and how unhealthy they are letting me become. That might be part of the problem with the house in Raleigh, I had no friends to come over and make me stop, George was having his own issues and playing along with me, and there was no one to tell me it was so unhealthy to just play all day. I am not saying games are bad, what I was doing with them is. Not wanting to take the time to get up and cook because I wanted to keep playing, not wanting to sleep, or do much of anything.

In this same line of thought, I also have decided to tough it out, take the last class for my B.S., and take the MA teaching exams. I will get my license by December. Even if I never use it (I want to be a SAAM) it will be nice to have a backup plan that is already in place. I got my study books and I am not doing so bad on the practice exams.

As far as trying to get pregnant, (we have been trying for 7 months now) the tests came back to say I have low progesterone, so I will need drugs to make me ovulate to be able to have a baby. I honestly dont think I have been happier to hear that a test was abnormal. Yes I have to take meds, but they understand WHY its not working, rather than telling me to be patient. I am not so crazy after all =) They need to do the same tests this month to confirm and they need to check George to make sure everything is fine there, and then it could happen!

I have also decided- last night- to pull myself together and actually do something about my medical issues. (I have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome.) I have been told so many times that working out will help me, but it just feels miserable for a while. I need to push through it and feel better. Also I thought long and hard about it, and I think I AM improving, which is great news! Many people develop the disorder in mid-teens and it starts getting better mid-twenties. Not everyone gets better, and as is common with most chronic illnesses, I felt like there was no hope. But I am starting to get better, so I should hove lots of hope!

So, goal for December: Have a B.S., MA teaching certificate, eating healthy, exercising every day, and pregnant. We will see how all that goes, hopefully well. =)

Hello World!

Hello World! I am going to start blogging about my adventures into cooking, knitting, and other random stuff that goes on over here at my house. First, some background.

Me:

My name is Rachael and I am better known on the internet as hypermice. I was born in Houston, TX back in Nov '89 to very young parents. They got married when I was 3, and I became a big sister to Zachary when I was 4. My parents divorced when I was 13 and my mom remarried Gary when I was 14. A short while later my little sister Bianca was born. My dad remarried in 2009. Everyone is happier now =) Both of my parents still live in the Houston area.

College:

I went to The University of Texas at Dallas for college. It was close enough to visit, but far away enough that I would become my own person. It was a great choice of school for me, I just hate how people always asked, "Oh are you planning on transferring?" When I told them where I was going. Its a small college and not well known, but amazing academically. I started out as a Chemistry and Neuroscience double major while also getting teaching certification. My first semester I took 18 hours of classes and made a 3.89 GPA. So I took 22 hours of classes the next semester and started working in a research lab! Bad idea. I dropped one class and failed another. I changed my major to just neuroscience because I decided real chemistry research is just not that interesting. I spent hours and hours adding white powders and clear liquids to a vial and carefully mixing and waiting just to discover that the amino acid I made is not effective -.-

Diving into neuroscience was awesome. All my classes fascinated me so much and I loved reading my books for class! I took Behavioral, Integrative, Cellular, and even a class on Pain. My professor for integrative did some of the coolest research I had heard of, Memory. So a while into the class I asked about joining his lab and he thought it was a great idea!

I was to start working in the lab in January of my sophomore year. All winter break I was looking forward to it, I looked at the papers he had published and got all prepared. First day we had a meeting in the morning I got to hear all the cool projects going on and I got assigned a grad student. Then it was time to make brain slices O.O At this point I honestly did not see a problem with it. I did plenty of dissections in human anatomy and it was fun to see all the parts we studied. (If you have a week stomach, stop here.) So we go get this pretty white rat out of his cage and into the holding area and he is all happy and running around until we knock him out with some gas. Then the grad student picked him up, took him to the guillotine, and cut his head off. Blood was squirting everywhere and his body was just casually tossed in the trash while his skull was pried open. Then we took the brain to the machine to make very tiny slices out of it. This all happened within a few minutes and I was standing back in shock. I walked out of the lab and directly into the professors office and promptly dropped the class.

Unfortunately, wet nsc lab is required for graduation and there was no way around it. So I had to change my major again, to Child Learning and Development with a minor in Nsc. I had been trying to decide between research and teaching for a while, and that sealed it. No research for me, ever. The worst part is the difference people have in their attitude when I tell them my college major. With Chem and Nsc it was, "WOW you must be smart!" Now it is, "Oh. Ok. Good you went to college." Even though I was one class away from Nsc >.<

As of right now I still have not finished college. I should have finished Dec '11, a semester early. I had to drop Philosophy due to circumstances. Then I could not take it early spring due to miscommunication. I took it late spring but with everything going on in my life (new house, painting, moving) I just couldn't do it. I dont think online classes are a great idea for me. I need to find a college up here to take that one last class to get my BS. Ugh.

George & Me:

I got married on Dec 31, 2011 to a wonderful guy named George. Here is our story...

Way long ago before texting or facebook, etc. computer oriented kids talked to their friends on AIM. Sometimes we would start a chat rooms with all our friends in it. Then when we were really bored or not many friends were online it was common to make a  room with all your friends and then everyone invite all their friends, etc. This is how we met... Almost 9 years ago. I was almost 14 and George just turned 15. We were 4 degrees of friends away. Me-->Jay-->Cheshil-->Dan-->George We were all in this chat room and I had just started using a new font that I was so happy about so I was telling everyone how cool my new font was (I was 13....) Well George (Murray65536 to me) said it looked plain to him (font not installed) so I messaged him separately to tell him how to go download it from my website. (Yes, I had my own website at 13, I had it since I was 9 and wrote all the html for it; I am a nerd.) Then we just started talking in our own little window (those chat rooms were never that interesting, too many people.) Well, he internet stalked me and found out my mom's name and therefore my address and phone number. Then he taught me how to change all those things so that cant happen again. He lived in Virginia, far far away and his name is George Washington, imagine how long that took for me to consider believing him =P We talked every day, sometimes on the phone, sometimes with video, usually just chatting for hours on end. He knew more about me that anyone else, and I think the reverse is true as well. I helped him get his first girlfriend (lots of advice and ideas) and he talked me through the hard times in the messy divorce my parents had.

After a year or so we decided we wanted to meet in person, and I somehow convinced my mom to go along with this plan. I talked about him all the time and she saw him on video chat and talked to his dad a few times. So he flew down here, and we spent 3 days together, and fell in love (well, lust, whatever, we were young) He was the first guy I knew I would be happy spending my life with, but we lived so far away! We started dating anyways, and we chatted every night for many hours, and talked on the phone a few times a week, but after about 9 months of that, we decided that we should date other people to deal with the loneliness that was setting in. We still talked all the time and were really close, and we both knew we still wanted to be together, but we had other relationships and gave each other advice and such. He visited a couple of other times, one of which he was in his freshman year of college; I was a junior in High School, and my spring break was the week after his. At first that seemed unfortunate, but then we found a solution: he came to Texas for a week and then I went to Virginia with him for a week. That was really fun, and we definitely knew we wanted to be together, but it still was not very feasible. It was then we decided that we would go our separate ways in dating and not wait or expect to be waited for, and in 5 years we would re-evaluate the situation.

Well, after that we stopped talking as much, him being busy with college life, and then me starting college as well. Then last summer I was reading a book about Richard Feynman, the Nobel prize physicist, and his crazy life stories, and I was getting really upset while reading it. It took me a while to figure out why I was getting upset... Feynman reminds me of George, and I was being shown what kind of a life I would have had with him. We used to talk about our life together in our latetime chats. He wanted to be someone who changes the world with science and I wanted to stay at home and raise our brilliant children to be the best they could. We both were very interested in having a big family (8+) and we have always favored homeschooling because we both hit the glass ceiling in public school. George got an almost perfect SAT score in HS if that gives you an idea of how smart he is. He also took 25 hours a semester in college and got great grades. Anyways, I tried to resist the urge to call him for about a week (he has a life of his own, why bother him?), and finally gave in. I felt so silly when he answered. He probably has moved on and I am being annoying. Apparently not. I got on a plane a week later to visit him in Maryland.

Then, my life was turned upside down. I realized the difference between love and true love. You can love multiple people, I could have been happy with a life with different people, but it would never have been the same. I felt so bad for the guy I was with that I had been dating for 2 years, because it wasn’t that anything was wrong with our relationship, it just wasn’t the one I was meant to be in. (I talked to him before I left. Still hard for him, I know.) At this point George had just graduated college, and was free to move wherever he wanted, but I was stuck in Dallas for another year to finish school, so he moved to Texas for me. None of my college friends really liked this, they didn't know him at all. My mom and my really old friends were okay with it, because they know the bond we have.

I figured out a way to finish college a semester earlier that expected, (well ok, I failed on that count, I still did not finish...) and we got married on new years. I am still trying to wrap my head around that, I think it must be fate that we end up together, the world has tried SO HARD to prevent it. Now we have a house in North Carolina, my first time being out of Texas for any length of time. We are hoping to start a family soon, mother nature is dragging her feet on that one. We also have 2 golden retriever puppies, Cygnus and Andromeda.

Knitting:

What most of you have been waiting for! What made me start knitting?

I have liked crafts for as long as I can remember. I loved going to the craft store and drooling at all the things I could do there! I liked latch hooking when I was little, then plastic canvas stitching (? Is there a name for that?) I liked making up my own designs on graph paper and creating them. I also really liked to make bead animals. I upgraded at some point to wire and seed beads, which I thought made much cooler animals. I knew haw to chain crochet with my hands and I made lots of bracelets with that. I tried really crocheting and I could not manage the hook well and gave up. Organizing was one of my favorite things to do. I loved re-winding balls of yarn and sorting seed beads. I was never very good at drawing or painting. As a teenager I did not do many crafts, but when I got to college I got back into it. I made a Christmas stocking with one of those sewing kits with the sequins and then I started cross stitching. Around that time I fell in love with audio books, and I loved listening and cross stitching for hours at a time. After I finished my project I looked at the amazing picture I made and then it occurred to me: what do I do with it? I can frame it and put it on the wall, or make it a pillow. But this represented MANY MANY hours of work... just to be looked at. I tried quilting and that was horrible. I cut these things carefully to the right size and they dont fit. -.- That is not fun for a scientific mind. Also choosing crazy fabrics that dont clash is really hard. Fine, I would be a cross stitcher and stocking kit maker and just have pretty things to look at. I went to the craft store to get more floss and I passed by the yarn section. I stopped and saw this beautiful super soft yarn. I decided I would go home and see if I could figure out how to knit a hat with this. I knew close to nothing about knitting, but why not try something new?

So I found a video that told me the tools I need and I got them and I knit myself a hat in the round. This was Aug 2010 for anyone who cares. I LOVED IT! It was fun and pretty and the things I made could be useful! So I found a video and got the stuff and made a sock! It fit and everything. I figures out insarsia and made a friend a hat with his frat symbol on it. Then I discovered there was a yarn crawl in TX happening soon so I signed up for a seat on the bus and learned SO MUCH there. I learned wool can be soft and very pretty. Also that LYS are better that generic craft stores. I learned about different kinds of needles and ravelry and I discovered that I have an amazing natural talent for knitting. Apparently on my first hat all my stitches have amazing even tension and socks and insarsia are apparently hard. I didn't think so... So I found my LYS and saw that Melissa Morgan-Oakes, author of 2AAT socks was teaching a class in a few weeks! I signed up, obviously. I never really had a lot of experience one-at-a-time, but why would you? 2AAT is awesome! Anyways, you can check out post projects on my rav page. My current obsession is socks.

I am done for now. More later!

Rachael